The Story: Charlessa's Wrap-Up (Two Years)

Two years ago, Jesse and I had just agreed to start dating.

Jesse remembers lots of nervousness and awkwardness the night he asked if we could date. I've said it a couple of times in half-jest, but it has truth. When he asked, he was so nervous he wasn't even looking at me. I just wanted him to relax and give me that cute smile of his. Of course, the quickest way to get that was to say "yes" to his tenatively stated request....so that's what I did. I was well-rewarded with one of his biggest grins (of relief)....and the start to what has been the best adventure of my life!

In one summer, to go from not even thinking beyond my individual, independent lifestyle to dating one of my best friends was quite a transition for me. While Jesse may have felt awkward in how to act around me, I think I was feeling even more awkward trying to figure out what I was feeling and thinking! While he kept flowers at my work and notes to remind me of him, I wasn't noticing much awkwardness on his part!

Several weeks into the relationship, I had so many questions spinning in my head, I couldn't even start to sort them out. I ended up meeting with the pastor and his wife for some counseling one evening. I first had to reassure everyone that it was NOT pre-marital counseling I was wanting! It was still months later before I could even think about the possibility of marriage without sending my mind into a spin.

We had the usual variety of dates--plays, dinners, movies, bookstores. And some highlights too--camping and white-water rafting with the church, thanksgiving with his family, new years with my family, and his sister's wedding. (Probably more that I'm missing at the moment.) And, of course, dozens of chat sessions--late at night after clogging, after church on Sunday, or just whenever we could happen to get together after work, or even DURING work (for the few months he worked about a mile from the college and we could do lunch).

We had a very happy 9 months that we spent dating. And as long as people will allow me, I'll say that we are still dating--2 years and counting!

But about 8.5 months after we started dating, Jesse started hinting on his blog that there was a "Big Day" coming.

The Story: Jesse's Wrap-up

I was feeling a bit nostalgic and was looking back through some of our old posts, and I noticed that the Our Story series never got completed on the blog, though in non-blog life we've started in on the beginning of the next Big Story.

We left off with Charlessa's phone battery dying as I was talking with Charlessa's father, right as she walked back into her house. A slicker bit of timing couldn't have been choreographed! The only problem - I had to wait to hear back from them to see what they thought about Charlessa and I starting to date - pins and needles!

Much to my relief they were supportive, but then I actually had to ask her out! Where else would I do that but at the clogging barn!?! So, on August 18th, 2005, after clogging was over, Charlessa and I were talking outside and enjoying the beautiful night, or at least she was, my stomach was busy tying itself into knots. I'll be darned if I can remember what I actually said; my biggest impression of that night was lots of stammering, looking at my feet, hemming, and hawing. But, she had mercy on me and said that dating would be good! Whew! That was the second of my three impressions that night - relief! Our first date would be a community play, The Tempest, I think)

So what was my third memory/impression of that night? What the heck do I do when we're saying goodbye? Hug her? Give her a peck? Just say bye? Hold her hand? Aaack! I think we finally stumbled into a hug. Don Juan, I am not!

I'll spare everyone the mushy stuff that went on all through our dating - it's pretty standard stuff, I guess. Well, sort of. I might have been a bit more backwards that most guys - it took me almost two weeks to screw up the courage to hold her hand. It wasn't until a dinner at Tuscarora's and walking through downtown Leesburg afterwards that I finally held her hand. I'm pretty sure I managed to fumble that too, but oh well. Like I said, not Don Juan.

We spent a very happy 9 months, to the day, dating before I finally asked her to marry me. As stressed and nervous as that was, I think I was still more nervous and tongue-tied when I first asked her out. Of course, I had the requisite set of nerves when I wrote to her parents to see if they had any objections to getting a son-in-law. I chickened out on that though - after planning and writing out thoughts and plans for giving them a call, I finally just wrote a letter. The only drawback with that was waiting for the post office to ferry letters back and forth!

THEN, I got to have fun! Picking out a ring was so cool!

That, of course brings us to, "Popping The Big Question"!

The Story: The Big Day

We've got a little announcement to make:

We've tentatively set our wedding date for December 30th!

Jesse: What, you didn't know we got engaged? Yup, she said yes on Thursday night, after clogging! I had a great little speech all memorized, and then promptly forgot it when I went to ask.

Charlessa: He SAYS he forgot the speech. When I read it later, I think there was only one sentence he forgot.

J We've probably spent more time in the clogging barn together than just about anywhere else, so it was an appropriate place to pop the big question. Just one little snag: they wouldn't stop talking!! Mary, Joyce, and Beth usually stay around for a bit after clogging before they leave us for the evening. THIS time though, they decided to talk for an extra hour! I had the ring burning a hole in my pocket, butterflies holding a party in my stomach, and I had to sit there waiting for them to stop talking!!!! Aack!

C: Before I'd left work, I'd caught Jesse's blog post saying "today is the big day." He just didn't say a big day for what. Then after clogging, he changed back into his work clothes--a bit unusual. I was suspecting, but didn't want to presume or start thinking about it too much, afraid I'd end up disappointed if it was something more mundane.

J: I had picked up the ring last Friday, so I had been carrying it around for a couple days. There were several times that I had almost pulled it out to ask the question ahead of time. The 18th was exactly 9 months since I had first asked Charlessa out. Probably the hardest time to resist was when we were watching a movie one evening and I actually had it in my pocket. (thankfully on the side away from Charlessa!) But when I actually did ask, I'm glad I waited - I got to experience the full blast of nervousness and anticipation! It was getting late and I knew I would have to ask right away or not at all that day. I was looking forward to this more than anything else, but I still almost chickened out! I think the girls have the easy part - they only have one word to say, we have the whole speech and knee and ring deal we have to take care of. Do you have any idea how hard it is to coordinate knees, mouth and hands when you're trembling like a leaf!?!

C: I had a meeting in Charlottesville (2.5 hours away) the next morning that meant I had to be on the road by 7:30 Friday AM. I had decided early in the day that I would need to leave the clogging barn earlier than usual and try to be in bed by midnight to be up the next morning. I knew that if "the day" was what I suspected, there was practically no way a midnight bedtime would happen! So when it was 11:00 before everyone else left and it was getting to be 11:30, I figured a midnight bedtime was a good way to force the topic.

J: And I appreciate it! Once I got started, it wasn't so bad, but trying to figure out how to start was a killer! Of course I had a great scenario worked out in my mind how it would seamlessly happen, but of course as I was trying to remember how I had planned to start off, I came up with a total blank. So, there I was on one knee and I hadn't the foggiest clue what I was going to say! And by this point it was obviously too late to get back up and try to shrug it off. So I said something, but I'll be darned if I can remember what it was! The important thing was that she said yes though, so whatever came out it must have been intelligible.

C: Yes, it was intelligible, intelligent, and sweet. And of course, it concluded with the important question. At that point, my ability to think coherently was pretty much gone. The only thing I could remember was that I wanted to say "yes."

J: Well, I like that! She can't think straight so she says yes! Well, thinking straight or not I'm glad that she said yes. And it's too late to take it back now - she's stuck! We finished up the evening with a couple more hours of talk and phone calls to parents before we finally took off. And then we were supposed to get some sleep after all that?! Huh. I eventually got to sleep, but still woke up a few times during the night thinking about it - I'm engaged!!!! Woot!

C:Sleep did seem like an impossibility! I think I managed to actually be in bed for 4 hours that night. Time asleep? Not that much. I did make it down to Charlottesville and managed (I think) to be coherent for the meeting, even if slightly distracted. I had a constant reminder on my finger that my life was changing, even if it hadn't completely sunk in.

So nine monthes after we started off, here we are planning the wedding. We've started the announcement going around, but figure that there will still be a few people that we'll forget, so if you're one of those who just found out, sorry!

We've had just over 40 hours, and we're starting to work out some of the details like when and where. Check back for further details!

Dating is nice. Engaged is GOOD! Can't wait for MARRIED!!

Continue: The Story: Jesse's Wrap-Up

The Story: To Ireland and Back

By the time my parents arrived for the Ireland trip, I was pretty confident that Jesse would be talking with them at some point. I just didn't have a clue about the timing. And I really wasn't sure at all how my parents would respond. After all, they'd made it no secret through the years the type of man they'd imagined for their daughters. And well, someone with a child by a previous girlfriend didn't quite fit their expectations. It was easy enough for me to tell myself (or others) that he'd changed, but how objective was I really being? And while my parents are well past the point of trying to dictate my life, I do respect their opinions and advice very highly.

We did have a wonderful time in Ireland. I enjoyed site-seeing with my parents. Sometimes Jesse would join us--when he wasn't helping his brother cat-herd their sister and the other teens. And as Jesse noted, the group in general seemed to just make it easier for Jesse and I to be together on the bus, at meals or events, or for snatches of freetime through the trip. And for about a week of the trip, I got to room with Jesse's sister.

Though I didn't ever really state what I expected, my parents weren't oblivious to what was happenning. And when they asked me questions like, "What is your relationship with Jesse?" I really wasn't sure how to answer. Jesse and I had never discussed it. Despite all I guessed, for my emotional well-being, I was doing my best to still think of Jesse as just a friend. (And that was getting harder by the day.)

My parents stayed with me for a few more days in Virginia after we returned from Ireland. About a day or so before my parents left, my mother and I headed to Leesburg to pick up our pictures from the trip and do a bit of shopping. We left Dad at home to take a nap. A couple of times before we headed home, I tried to call to see if there was anything we needed to pick up for Dad. But the phone was busy both times. When we arrived home 30 minutes after we'd first tried to call, we were suprised to find that my dad (who seldom talks on the phone for an extended length of time with anyone) was STILL on the phone. VERY conveniently, the battery on my cordless handset died as we walked in the front door, so we didn't hear any of his conversation. Curious, we asked if Dad had called his parents.
"No, that was Jesse. He called to ask if Charlessa wanted a copy of his digital pictures from the trip on CD."
Um....yeah. That's why you've been on the phone for over 30 minutes.

Continue: The Story: The Big Day

The Story Restarted

Oh ho! I'll bet y'all thought the Saga had been dropped. Never! It's just been slowed down a bit because we've both been running around like the proverbial headless chicken for the last couple months. Unfortunately that hasn't changed, for me anyway, but it's been long enough, and I'm not going to bleed to death, headless or no, so on with the story! (Ok, so maybe I'm stretching the metaphor.)

To catch you up with the story so far, the end of June brought me to the point where I finally decided that, yes, I would go ahead and pursue Charlessa. It had been building for a while, and the beginning of June had me putting serious prayer into the issue, and at the end of June/beginning of July I made the decision to go ahead and stop vacillating. I just didn't bring it up with Charlessa right away.

We had a trip to Ireland with our clogging group coming up in another month, and Charlessa's parents were coming! I was SO totally thinking only of Charlessa and her parents' comfort when deciding to wait until after the trip to talk with them. I wasn't nervous! It would be awkward for them to go on a trip with their daughter's boyfriend right there! Me nervous? Never! It was only for their comfort that I waited, right? Right. (Actually, that did work out pretty well.)

So through July and the first week of August, Charlessa and I proceeded pretty much as normal. And then came Ireland. Oh wow! Fantastic in so many ways! I definitely got to meet and get to know Charlessa's parents, and the same for them. It helped that her parents and I were in the same cottage most of the time, so between activities done with them and just spending time in the same building I wasn't a total stranger to them by the end of the trip. Which was a good thing since I was planning on talking to them afterwards. Charlessa and I took some walks, spent a few evenings talking late into the night, sat together for a week of bus rides, and even managed to get ourselves kicked out of a pub, though only because they were closing down before we stopped talking. :^) And one of my favorite individual moments was toward the end of the trip, everyone was exhausted, and on the bus ride back she went to sleep on my shoulder. Oh, I pretended to fall asleep too, but it was more of a blissful daze than actual sleep.

Quick note: Pretty early on, something that clued in dense ol' me that maybe I wasn't fooling anyone, was that even though the bus was pretty full as we traveled around, after a couple days there was always an open seat left for me beside Charlessa! Thanks Beth!

Finally the trip ended, and though I was feeling much better about talking with her folks, I was still pretty apprehensive. But it worked out better than I had hoped!

Continue: The Story: To Ireland and Back

The Story: June

Yep. June was the month that things really began to change, though how much was evident to others was minimal, if at all. Jesse said that he made a decision at karate camp. That was the first week of June (Sun 5-Tues 7). The second week of June (Sun 12-Fri 17), I was in South Carolina for a library conference. The third week of June (Mon 20-Fri 24) was Western Loudoun Community Church’s Vacation Bible School.

From some notes for myself written shortly after we started dating and before I knew about Jesse’s decision at karate camp:

“WLCC Vacation Bible school. While Jesse is a co-leader for games, I only scrape together enough time and attention to show up on the actual nights and help with crafts. We spend hours each night after VBS visiting and wandering through Round Hill in the summer evenings. During VBS and our times afterward, I look up to catch Jesse watching me or staring at me. It would unnerve me a bit, but when I looked into his eyes, he never looked away, never apologized in word or deed. This is the week that I realized that there would have to be a decision point. So many times when my friendships with guys reached about this point, I could use some irrefutable reason--such as distance or wrong timing—to gently shove the relationship back firmly to the plane of “just friends” without significantly marring it. This time, I didn’t have any such excuse handy…and wasn’t sure I wanted to find one. I began to anticipate the Ireland trip as a chance for my parents to meet Jesse in an extended, but casual setting.”

Continue: The Story Restarted

The Story: Going On?

Big Grin!

Yeah, yeah. And she doesn't mention anything that she does for me, like cards and meals and movies and cheering me up! Some cards, bouquets or petals are the least I can do. It makes my day so much more enjoyable too when I can stop by. It's a monochrome, 2D day when I don't see her!

We've had a great time in PA for Thanksgiving. It was a meet-the-relatives time for her and she pulled it of so very well! Heck that's too tame - she was the picture of poise, grace and charm the whole time! None of the movie stuff from Meet the Parents! Charlessa already met and knew my mom and siblings, though she had never met my dad until shortly before Thanksgiving. It's always nerve-wracking to meet his/her parents for the first time, or going to their house for the holidays, but this went off without a hitch. Better than that, it was wonderful!

Now, lemme see, where were we? *rummages around through past posts* Aha! There we go.

From January on through the beginning of July nothing much happened that outside people would see, or at least I don't think much was showing through. Though I certainly had plenty spinning around through my head. Not to set Charlessa up on a pedestal (ok, well maybe a little bit!), but I had always loved the grace and wisdom with which she had always spoken. I tend to be too quickly harsh and it was always a blessing to me when I would get emails or talk with her. I'd be inspired by her ideas and reminded to extend Grace regardless of what I think of others.

So by the time I moved back down to Virginia in January I already had her on a pedestal of sorts. It quickly grew taller.

For six months I made up excuses to see or talk with Charlessa - clogging, helping in the library, plays, church, books, movies, Bible studies. You name it, I used it. But I still made every effort to appear casual and wouldn't say that I was attracted to Charlessa in that way.

We were just good friends.
I thought really highly of her.
I enjoyed her company.
We had lots of similarities and similar interests.
Nothing more!
(SU-U-U-URE!)

After a couple months those were sounding pretty thin, even to myself. My mom asked me about Charlessa a few times and I even had some friends ask me if something was happening. And so, around June (at karate camp to be precise) I finally caved. I couldn't go on in good conscience anyway. I'm only mildly telepathic, and so couldn't quite tell what Charlessa was thinking. :^) I hated to possibly be putting Charlessa into an unsure limbo. "Is Jesse looking toward something more serious than friends here or not? He spends a lot of time, but nothing definite?"

Shortly after July 4th, after a couple weeks of prayer and getting any input dad and mom had to offer, I jumped in!

I just didn't mention it to Charlessa.

( the big chicken that I am! )

Continue: The Story: June

The Story: Not Yet

I have to say that through the spring, after Jesse had moved back to the area, I was pretty much oblivious to anything that might be happening in our relationship. In my defense, by January, I had been single-handedly managing a library for nearly 300 students for four months with no full-time help in sight. I was literally more than 2 months behind on everything I was supposed to do and getting farther behind by the day. Jesse spending his time on weekends or evenings helping with various projects in the library is probably the only way he could have gotten any notice from me at all. As it was, I very much appreciated the help, but didn't give the time to any deeper consideration.

The thing that came closest to knocking me out of my obsession with work (and should've been a huge sign) was the gift he gave me for my birthday--it was personalized with my name. As my name has yet to be found in a book of baby names, you know that something personalized was not bought off-the-shelf with only a moment's thought. As close as that gift came to waking me up, I still buried my head back under my work and managed to slip back into my oblivion. It was another four months before I really began to emerge from my hibernation.

Continue: The Story: Going On?

The Story: But First A Little Detour

The Detour:
Like Charlessa said, our families got together this Sunday, but I must be wired a bit differently because I didn't start worrying until an hour or two before. And then, I worried! And what does the wise friend mean?! This is NOT just like meeting some other person that I don't know! I've met her parents on our Ireland trip, but that was before I started dating their eldest daughter! Toss in that I was just meeting her brother and youngest sister for the first time and that this was the first time any of our parents have ever even talked with each other! I was a nervous wreck on the drive over. It turned out really well though, thank the Lord!

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program:
Previously, I probably glossed over the years that I spent driving down here to see Jeremiah. While I never had any specific plans about Charlessa, the thought that maybe something would start between us, would periodically go caroming through my mind. And looking back, I did seem to come up with excuses to see Charlessa pretty often. She was working without any help in the library, so of course I would offer to help her move books or sort magazines or box ILLs. I would have a free evening and want to do something, so I'd call her up and see if she knew of any plays or anything going on. Of course, every time was totally reasonable and sensible to me! I preferred to work all night with her than go read at Borders. And for me, THAT'S love!

Hindsight is usually pretty close to 20/20, and I can recognize now that I was starting to view Charlessa as a bit more than a friend. Maybe not romantically, (I viciously squashed any thoughts that way) but, well, I'm not sure how to describe it. Definitely one of my best friends, but that still falls short. Maybe it was the potential of being more that made the friendship different. Hmmm. Oh well. If I come up with some better way to describe it, I'll try to get it down on electrons.

Things were very good. Then the job down here in Virginia popped up, and things became even more so!

I had tried a couple times to get a job in VA, but nothing seemed to come together. Then, around October 2004, I really started feeling that I should make another try. I talked it over with the folks but never did anything serious about it. Then in the beginning of December, I was walking into the Library to help Charlessa with ILLs and saw a little job posting on the wall for a research assistant in Purcellville. I stuck it in my pocket and left a message Sunday afternoon. Thankfully I "happened" to have a three-day weekend, so when they called me on Monday and asked me to come in right then for an interview, I was able to literally stop by the Salvation Army to buy a shirt and tie on the way to he interview. They called me back Thursday to say I was hired! Housing fell into place, and I moved down here on Jan 1st, just like that!

Wonderful! I'm now down here only a couple miles from Charlessa, we're good friends, we're doing activities and going to church together, and our relationship is going to take right off, right?! Well, it didn't quite work out that quickly. We still had a bit to go.

Continue: The Story: Not Yet

The Story: Friends

As Jesse has so accurately described, while he was living in Virginia for the first time (~20 months), we were "just friends" and largely got to know each other through the group activities that were arranged by various people at work. As I was with Jesse when he first met his girlfriend of that time, I had my own friendship with her and served as listening ear to each at various times.

On Jesse's last day in the area, I took the time to go over and help with the final re-painting and packing. It was my way of saying good-by to a friend I knew I might never hear from or see again. It wasn't an emotional good-by. I don't remember for sure, but, when the work was done, I may have simply walked away while Jesse was talking with another friend.

I also am terrible at keeping up with friends once they leave my area. (That's part of the reason I love blogs, but that could be it's own rambling post.) I always start out with good intention, but with rare exception, the e-mails and phone calls become less frequent, shorter, and eventually stop. So, as Jesse has already stated, looking back, it was something of a miracle that we did stay in touch. I managed to remember to answer e-mails and just generally tried to keep him informed of people and events in the area for his weekend trips back down to northern Virginia.

A few times during his visits in Virginia, I was surprised at the events he chose to make it to. I would wonder, "Is he really that interested in the event? That desperate for something to do? Or is he just doing this to see me?" But as I was comfortable with "just friends," I refused to read anything more into it. Addtionally, I was so overwhelmed and stressed at work, I had no time to give it any further thought or consideration.

Even as Jesse moved back into the area in January 2005, I was still very stressed at work. I was simply happy for Jesse that he wouldn't have to make the long drives between PA and VA as often and would get to spend more time with Jeremiah.

Continue: The Story: But First a little Detour

Me and my memory

I'd love to say that I remembered meeting Charlessa and was just as stunned then as I am now, but unfortunately I can't. In my defense I had just moved down here from PA and college and was in the process of meeting the 70 some odd people at HSLDA as well as some of the PHC people and learning which people were in charge of what and all that jazz. Sigh.

But we did run into each other fairly frequently and got to know each other through the activities that happened pretty frequently. (I'd like to make a big thanks to Joli for setting up so many of those!) There were swing dance lessons, plays, ice skating, ballroom dance lessons, student activities, hymn sings, clogging, basketball, rappelling trips, and volleyball. It's sort of rough getting introverts to go out and do things, but I guess we still managed.

But that was about all. Most all the activities were in groups and while we got to be friends, we were still "just friends". (Hence this blog title! I'll bet you never guessed that!) I even dated during this time (didn't work out, but I did get Jeremiah!) and finally moved back up to PA. Now here's where the weird part starts!

I'm a very serious introvert as is Charlessa, and when I moved down to VA, some people never realized it for a year. Ditto for when I moved back up to PA. I would be back down around PHC every long once and a while, and some of the students never realized I left for almost two years! I've never been good at keeping touch with old friends either. But Charlessa turned out differently!

She had come over the day that I was packing up. I was re-painting the apartment before I left, and she helped me out. She had also been a friendly ear, above and beyond my other friends at the time, so after I moved back up to PA, I sent her an email saying thanks and how are things down there where it's nice and warm. Then for almost two and a half years, we exchanged emails every couple of weeks, and I would stop by the college to say hello.

Looking back, it was probably a genuine, God-performed miracle that kept us in contact. You'd have to know how horrible I am at keeping in touch with people, to realize the full magnitude of the miracle, but God kept me at it.

. . . and this is getting long enough, and I'm running short on time at the moment, so I'll pause and let Charlessa tell her side of it.

Continue: The Story: Friends

The Story: First Introduction

Picking a place to start and keeping a long story short, I completed my M.L.S. in Kansas in May 2000. In August, I moved away from family and home to take the position of Public Services Librarian at Patrick Henry College--a start-up college that was still completing its first building and, in October, would be offering classes for the first time.

Part of my responsibilities were the library website, so I met and worked with the college webmaster very early in my job. As the college moved through the last few weeks of opening, there were many people starting work there--most of them I had to meet as I had need to work with them. So I was a bit surprised when the webmaster actually stopped in my office to introduce to me the new web technician--Jesse. It was literally nothing more than "hi"'s and a brief explanation of how respective work responsibilities related, but because it was a surprise, it stuck with me.

First impressions? Definitely younger than me. Reminded me of a friend from college. (They both have red hair, but different shades; they share similar body builds; both work with computers; both are generally quiet and reserved. End of similarities.) It was going to be good to have another person around that might be interested in some of the group activities that got organized.

Continue: Me and My Memory